Volume 38 Number 77
                 Produced: Sun Mar 16 17:34:35 US/Eastern 2003

Subjects Discussed In This Issue: 

Purim Edition
         [Sam Saal]


From: Sam Saal <ssaal@...>
Date: Tue, 11 Mar 2003 05:55:45 -0800 (PST)
Subject: Purim Edition

Welcome to the whateverth annual edition of the addition to the
mail.jewish Purim edition. We hope you enjoy this and moreso, we hope you
have a Frailich Purim. In addition to the purim edition presented here,
we also have a new Purim speil available on the web site:


You may also want to browse the full set of purim contributions from
previous years:


Sam Saal         <ssaal@...>
Vayiphtach HaShem et Pea haAtone

The Third Temple
Jim Rogozen

The Haftorah of the 2nd day of Sukkot revisits the dedication of the
1st Bet HaMikdash. We have many rituals to remind us of the 2nd Bet
HaMikdash, especially its destruction. And thanks to the good works of
such special people as Temple Mount Faithful (Ne-emanei Har HaBayit),
The Temple Mount Center (Merkaz HaHar), the Temple Institute (Machon
HaMikdash) and Yeshiva Beit Habechira it is quite likely we'll be back
in business with the Bet HaMikdash HaShlishi some time soon.

Of course the new Temple will have to have a newsletter, and it will
be called -- the TempleBulletin. Here are some of the items we can look
forward to by the end of the first year of operation:

This month's sisterhood meeting will take place next Tuesday. Our guest
will be the anonymous yet very popular Eshet Kohen Gadol; her topic will
be "what to do with leftovers."

On Wednesday the young couples club will meet with a chef trained at
the famous Korban Bleu cooking school. He will show us how to cook Solet
Surprise and Hattat burgers. It would be an "asham" to miss this class.

In lieu of an appeal this coming Shabbat , we've enclosed Ma'aser and
Trumah cards in this newsletter. Remember our motto: 10% of the top
never made anyone poor.

For those will special dietary concerns you'll be pleased to know
that Mikdash will cater to your every need. In addition to the regular
sacrifices, we will offer Glatt, Mehadrin Glatt and Habad shechita on
the main altar. Satmar, of course, will have their own mizbeach.

If you would like to make a dedication to the Mikdash, there are still
some naming opportunities available. Your donation gets you a lovely
plaque with your name on it in a prominent location. Unfortunately,
no one has expressed interest in the Kodesh Kodashim. We realize that
only one person will actually see that room once a year, but it's a
great Mitzvah, so how about it?

Announcing a great deal for tourists. Hilton Hotels is now offering two
special tour packages to Yerushalayim:

The Deluxe Plan includes airfare, 7 nights room and board, a free shuttle
to the Har HaBayit, 4 sheep and unlimited incense. If you sign up now,
they'll include a cell phone so you can be in touch with your Rabbi
concerning halakhic procedures used in the Mikdash. For those on a budget
we offer:

The Economy Plan, which includes 2 nights room and board, shoes, a pigeon
and directions to the Har HaBayit.

Don't Passover these great bargains.

This just in: the Kohen Gadol has announced his early retirement.
Inside sources say his main reason for leaving is a severe case of
burnout. Applications are being accepted for his replacement. The position
requires experience and willingness to make a lot of sacrifices.

The Social Action Committee reports that we must do something about the
pollution in Jerusalem. The increased number of sacrifices has led to
dangerous levels of Korban Monoxide. Details to follow in next month's

We have instituted a new award called the Mikdash Mentsch of the Month.
Winners of a monthly lottery will be given priority parking and the
ability to go to the front of the Korban Tamid line. If you're a lucky
winner you can get in, and get out fast. Put your business card in the
box at the top of the Sharfstein Steps near the Goldstein Memorial Garden.

Finally, the Board of Trustees of the Bet Mikdash haShelishi wish you
and yours a happy, healthy Sukkot... by a vote of 10-3.

Moadim L'Simcha, Hagim Uzmanim L'sason .


Date: Thu, 12 Dec 2002 22:22:08 +0200
From: Yisrael and Batya Medad <ybmedad@...>
Subject: Fwd: Yet another book cherem....

This came from Nosson Slifkin....

In light of all the discussions lately about book burnings, I thought
that it would be appropriate to forward this latest cherem to the list...


It has come to our attention that a book has been published which goes
against Torah values.

In the first volume of this book, it claims that Avrohom Ovinu engaged
in military action. Chas Ve'Sholom!

Furthermore, it claims that Yaakov Ovinu kissed his wife before marrying
her. Woe to the eye that reads this!

In addition, it claims, r"l, that many of our holy ancestors worked
for a living! This is absolute apikorsus as everyone knows that it is a
chiyuv to be in kollel forever, and it is impossible that our ancestors,
compared to whom we are but donkeys, to have done any differently.

A later volume even has the audacity to suggest that the greatest
Odom Godol in history, Moshe Rabbeinu, once acted inappropriately!
Choliloh to say such things!

Furthermore, the second and fourth volumes include lengthy quotations
from goyishe ovdei avodah zarah, whose words we have no need to hear.

To make matter even worse, this book goes into lengthy descriptions about
the maalos of Eretz Yisroel and various mitzvos bein odom lechavero,
while barely mentioning the importance of limud Torah liShmoh.

This set of five volumes is also very popular amongst the goyim, which
itself is proof that this book is treife.

Needless to say, this book contains no haskamos whatsoever.

Anyone who is a yiras Shomayim will purge this kefirah from their botei
midrashim immediately.

Signed for the honor of Torah,

By those who write in the names of the Gedolim.


Date: Wed, 11 Dec 2002 13:21:16 EST
From: <wintermanroch@...> (Gary Winterman)
Subject: What if Thanksgiving were run by Frummies?

1.  Outside of Medinah, it would be a 2-day holiday, and since it always
falls on Thursday, one would need to make an Eruv Tavshilin, since Yom
Tov would always fall into Shabbos.  One would also need two turkeys,
since Shabbos requires only the freshest of foods.

2.  The entire meal must be completed in one sitting--and no cranberry
sauce-stuffing-turkey subs the next day--all leftovers must be given to
the Cohanim.

3.  The entire meal would be treated as a seder--4 cups of apple cider
must be consumed--the Four Questions:
 1. Do you have a big-screen TV?
 2. When do we eat?
 3. Is my stuffing better than your mother's.
 4.  Where do you keep the Alka-Seltzer? (Reb Kramper, the Regurgeter
     permits the insertion of Maalox here, but his is a minority opinion.)

4.  The Macy's Day Parade route would end at the East River, for the
casting away of that disgusting side dish your Aunt Florence always
brings, with the currants and marshmallows.

5.  Prior to the Chag, one swings a drumstick over their head 3 times,
saying:  This represents my atonement, to sit with my in-laws for 3
hours, in order to watch the game.  The raw drumstick is then thrown into
the yard of your nearest anti-Semitic neighbor--if you can't find one,
the guy who parks too close to your driveway may be substituted.

6.  The wishbone is broken but no wish is made--it should be understood
that the broken bone is in sad memory of the loss of our Temple.

7.  In many families, the custom is to hollow out a pumpkin, and decorate
it as a mini-sukkah, to acknowledge our faith in Hashem to sustain us
through this period of indigestion, just as he sustainbed us bamidbar,
when there was no obvious means of sustenance.

8.  One should properly greet his neighbor with "Good Yom Tov," followed
by a shaking of the jowls, and a "gobble, gobble."

9.  For Chabadnicks, one must dress as the first celebrants did--oh,
no problem!!!

10.  When, as this year, Chanukah follows the Chag, it is permissible
to stuff the bird with Latkes and applesauce.


Date: Sun, 09 Mar 2003 11:01:56 -0500
Forwarded by: mgbio <mgbio@...>

by Meish Goldish

The story of Purim is an international tale.

King Achashverosh was Finnish with his disobedient wife Vashti.
"You Congo now!" he ordered her. After she had Ghana way, the king's
messengers went Roman the land to find a new queen.  And India end,
the beautiful Esther won the crown.

Meanwhile, Mordechai sat outside the palace, where the Chile Haman would
Czech up on him daily.

"I Haiti you because you refuse to bow to me!" Haman scolded Mordechai.
"USA  very stubborn man. You Jews are such Bahamas! If you keep his up,
Denmark  my words! I will have all your people killed!  Just Kuwait and
see, you Turkey! "

Mordechai went into mourning and tore his clothes-a custom known as Korea.
He urged Esther to plead with the king.  The Jews fasted for three
days and grew very Hungary.  Esther approached the king and asked,
'Kenya Belize come to a banquet I've prepared for you and Haman?"
At the feast, she invited her guests to a second banquet to eat Samoa.

The king asked, "Esther, why Jamaica big meal like this? Just tell me what
you want. Unto half my United Kingdom will I give you."  Esther replied,
"Spain full for me to say this, but Haman is Russian to kill  my people."

Haman's loud Wales could be heard as he carried Honduran this scene.
"Oman!"  Haman cried bitterly. "Iraq my brains in an effort to destroy
the Jews.  But that sneaky Mordechai - Egypt me! "

Haman and his ten sons were hanged and went immediately to the
Netherlands.  And to Sweden the deal, the Jews were allowed to Polish
off the rest of  their foes as well.  "You lost your enemies and Uganda
friend," the king smiled.

And that is why the Purim story Israeli a miracle. God decided to China
light on His chosen people.

So now, let's celebrate! Forget all your Syria's business and just
be happy!  Serb up some wine and Taiwan on! Happy Purim!!!


End of Volume 38 Issue 77